No thanks gym.....

I totally understand the key role which going regularly to the gym can help both weight loss and overall fitness; I even used to do it at the time in my life I was slimmest and fittest (fifteen years ago, blimey has it been that long??!). These days however I do not enjoy the gym any more. It could be due to the fact that I generally feel out of place in one, or that I find it an oppressive place full of fit and toned bodies that aren't mine! Personally I think it may have something to do with what happened the last time I went.....
I was proceeding with my usual routine, which - after five agonising minutes on the cross-trainer - culminated in ten on the treadmill. I was boogying on down to the tunes on my mp3 player, with little attention to the world around me.
Now people, let me ask you a question. What is the one thing that you rarely check on a treadmill when you get onto it; the one thing that you kind of assume to be the case and ironically the one thing ABOVE ALL ELSE that you should check? Any ideas?? You naturally assume that the treadmill, when you get onto it, isn't already moving.
I could leave you to imagine the rest, but where is the fun in that! In case you didn't realise, when you unknowingly step onto a moving treadmill, your so-called standing foot is whipped from underneath your body (why I am I talking in the second person?? it happened to me!!). Once that happened, there was nothing holding my body up any more; just air.
Had I fallen on the 'mill' and rolled off, it wouldn't have been too bad, but nope; I ended up on the 'tread' which then commenced transporting my inconsiderable bulk down the conveyor like the booby prize on the Generation Game.
This moved me onto the phase of 'trying to get up', which consisted of me putting a hand down to help push myself up; or should I say putting a hand down ON THE TREADMILL to push myself up, a hand that suffered the same fate as my standing foot. So what ensued was me rolling along against the direction of the treadmill for some considerable time, until I realised my fate was sealed and sat on the conveyor as it unceremoniously dumped me off the end with a 'plop'.
Oh the trauma!! I'm honestly not sure how many people noticed, but it felt like all eyes were burning into me. The one person I know who saw me was the guy on the treadmill behind mine, whom I made eye contact with during the entire of my resigned journey down and off that infernal machine. He didn't laugh; he just pulled his headphones out and asked me 'was that treadmill moving?' and I smiled and said 'yes'.
What I actually meant was 'yes, and now I am going to leave this gym and never come back'!!
Still, it's not as embarrassing as my brother and his exploding gym shorts......but that's another story....