Off The Wagon

Why oh why oh why did I open my big mouth. Here is me going on about how I don't feel the need to eat fast food any more, and what do I do? I take the foot off the accelerator and fall off the wagon. I say fall off, when actually what I have done is taken a Tom Daley triple twist with pike off the damned thing.
I think this is where the use of a blog comes in handy, as I have to be honest and say that I went to the Chinese takeaway and bought myself chicken fried rice, sweet and sour chicken with boiled rice, prawn crackers, and two diet cokes (I know, I know; DIET cokes). I ate the lot.
So we now have on the good side of the scales, the oh so temporary enjoyment of eating the takeaway. On the bad side is the guilt which came pretty soon after the temporary enjoyment, couple with the embarrassment of having to reveal it to the blogging world. Trust me when I say it's not easy saying it (typing it) out loud. So how do you think those scales are looking right now........
So what happened? Combination of things really. The first is that I was disappointed with the July photograph. I was kinda hoping to see a difference, but what I saw was someone just as fat as the June photo. I don't know what I was thinking, one month of healthy eating and a few pounds lost would become immediately apparent?!! Plonka. But still, part of me thought it, and that part of me was hugely disappointed.
So, feeling down. Then on Saturday I didn't manage to get to the supermarket to do the weekly shop, which left me light of things to cook for dinner. I wasn't idle, I was out the back making a shed door (oh, the exciting life I lead.....bungee jumping??........paint balling??.....nope.......off to B&Q with a google print-out titled 'how to nail six planks together.'). By the time I finished shed said door, it was gone 7pm and couldn't face engineering a culinary masterpiece. I succumbed.
To say I am dreading tomorrow's weigh-in is a huge understatement; I think I could suffer both tomorrow and the week after. Having said that, I don't feel too bad tonight. I've eaten healthy today, have spent some time out the back pruning my bedding plants (and of course, gazing lovingly at my shed door - I keep opening and closing it with an immense feeling of satisfaction!), and most importantly, averted the downward spiral of eating bad food after bad. I've lived, I've learned, I've come clean, I'll move on.
Patience is the key, and it is a skill I need to develop. It's weird, as in my normal working and personal life I have huge amounts of it. People try my patience every day, and I never rise to it; I accept it. I understand that getting worked up over someone getting on my nerves does no earthly good, and loses any logic or control over the situation. I flatter myself it is something I am very good at. But weight loss is a different sort of patience isn't it? It is time I am up against. It can't get on my nerves, it can't annoy me, frustrate me or disappoint me; it never changes. That changes the rules of patience for me, as the particular type of time I am up against is 'long'. But hey, I'm not perfect (not quite!) and I like a challenge; so time, you have met your match. However long it takes, I will not give up.
PS The first time I typed it, I spelled 'shed door' as 'shed doot'; is it me or is doot a word that really should mean something?!!