Greater minds than my own have attempted - and failed - to define what we mean by the word 'love'; and more specifically what it means to be 'in love' (I mean; I love Star Wars, but I have no desire to take Han Solo out for a candle-lit dinner and talk sweet nothings.....although Princes Leia on the other hand........). I fear that my own 'go' will be no more successful, but maybe it bears a read. I can't think of a better subject to close this subject of the month with the great, Howard Jones mystery of 'What Is Love?'
In all honesty, there is never going to be one exclusive meaning of what it is to be in love. It is different for everyone. Similarities there may be, but uniqueness will exist for every one of us. To some, love is passion, to others love may be security (be it emotional or material); but to many - including me - love is something much more complex; a complete package, a balance of things physical, practical, emotional and spiritual.
I remember a line from Sleepless In Seattle when Meg (I'll have what she's having) Ryan is having a chat with her girlie friends about men and love:
'We don't want to be in love; we want to be in love in a movie'
Now you know how much I enjoy films, so it will come as no surprise to you that I too have a rather romantic (overly-romantic??) view of love. It may even be a view which would not look out of place in one of Meg's own movies, nevertheless I object to the inference that the sort of love which occurs at the cinema, ONLY occurs in the movies. I beg to differ (oh pleeeeeeease mister; pleeeeeeeease let me differ; pwetty pwease with a cherry on top??!).
Okay; maybe I don't expect to meet the same woman at various stages of my life, finally realising that we are meant to be together forever at a new year's eve party over a decade after we first met; nor do I lurk at the top of the Empire State Building (much) hoping to find the lady of my dreams (or maybe even a teddy bear rucksack). Far-fetched they might be, but the love featured in the relationships of all these movies share in their uncertainty, fear, danger, challenge, trust; and where love is concerned I can identify with these feelings away from the cinema, in the real world. The best stories - fictional or no - are the ones where love overcomes all these doubts (conquers all).
So let's stop beating about the bush; the million-dollar question....what does love mean to me? Well, there are probably a million words which could apply, but if I was to sum it up in just one it would be......
"vulnerability"
I know it's strange to pick what is a not entirely optimistic word for something so wonderful, so let me explain.
My life is a series of 'heads' (oh yes, he is going somewhere with this; he really is). There is work-head, there is friends-head (differing according to the friend in question), there is family-head, there is even blog-head! In one aspect all of them are me - in each case certain aspects of my character are accentuated, and other aspects subdued - and yet from another point of view, none of them are me, there is always that part of me that no one sees; the part of me that I protect, the part that if exposed, can hurt, can be desperately disappointed, or can be just desperate!
It is this part which I strongly believe adds the word 'in' to love. When that special person comes along who you wholly reveal yourself to (don't be rude), and they to you. It is a scary (nice-scary), out-of-control (nice-out-of-control) feeling of vulnerability and yet you know, you feel, that you aren't in danger; quite the opposite in fact. I think it's that total juxtaposition (heaven help me; yesterday it was 'moreover' now it's 'juxtaposing'; I am such a juxtaposer.....) of risk and safety which feels so good; so exciting.
I'm single at the moment (ladies, form an orderly queue), and happy to be so. It doesn't mean I don't want to be in a relationship, I really do; but I refuse to settle. The person I genuinely fall in love with has to be someone I always think of with a sense of relief that there exists in the world someone with whom I can be entirely open, entirely free, entirely me; a me reserved only for them, and a them reserved only for me.
But who wants to listen to me on the subject, I wouldn't say no to love like this either.......
Let me not to the marriage of true minds Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken
or indeed this........
"I don't know, how I feel about you; there is no one way. I feel so many things, and all at once. Happy.....kinda scared too.
Excited
Calm
Lost....but......found.
I feel safe in a way I have never known, but in danger too
This thing between us; whatever it is
It's stronger than me
Being with you, is stronger than me alone
That's new to me"
That would do nicely thanks.....!
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