Judging by the number of times it is mentioned, there are no prizes for guessing that badminton is 'my sport'. At primary school I was always last in line when it came to picking teams for football (no complaints; I was - and indeed still am - rubbish); and at secondary school, the brand so-new-they-sparkle pair of rugby boots which my parents bought for me, still looked just as sparkly after three years of games lessons; not so much as a spec of mud on them. In my defence of the latter, a boy with awful eyesight and no contact lenses was in a bit of a quandary. Either he wears his glasses and risks having them squished in the middle of a scrum, or he goes without them and ends up performing the perfect flying tackle........on one of the goal posts. As for the aforementioned scrum, don't get me started.....; (oh dear....too late!) I have been told that its purpose is to push forward as one unit and gain ground, however my personal aim was entirely based on self-preservation; to stay on my feet and not get trampled, irrespective of whether I was being pushed forward or backwards. In the end, my philosophy was to stay out of the way and just enjoy the fresh air!.....
If any of you want a visual on the sort of experience I had in the sport, check out the episode of Friends when Ross tries playing; it's not far off my truth! Nope, racket sports were my game, and badminton above all others; it saved me from a sportless life. Okay, my primary school team record may have been 'played 20, lost 19, won 1' but we got a standing ovation in assembly the next day, celebrating our monumental if solitary victory (good old Mr Caldwell). SO much more enjoyable than winning all the time.......I think....!
Everywhere I have gone (secondary school, university, Coventry, Oxford, London, Manchester) I have found somewhere to play; always socially and sometimes competitively. I have met so many friends - and one girlfriend - through the sport, I have so many memories; some of them funny (see 'Justin Timmins' post previously), some of them exciting.....one of them perfect.......
Set the clock back about seven years my friends; something which not only takes us back in time, but sends me to Coventry. The badminton club I belonged to had several teams in both mixed and mens leagues. That year I was in a really good mixed team that stood a good chance of getting promotion. One team went well clear at the top of the table and had the title wrapped up well before the end of the season, but there was still the second promotion place up for grabs; and we were in third place when our last match loomed on the horizon. Although not in a promotion position, our fate was still very much in our hands as we were playing the team in second place. We had to beat them; if we did, we went up. It was as simple as that.
Now here comes the science; I will try and keep it brief. Each mixed pair plays each of the oppositions mixed pairs in a three game 'match'; totalling nine matches (five to win). Your best pair are your 1's' and so on. The usual theory is that your 1's win all three of their matches, the 2's win two - giving you the five and victory - and 3's do their best; if they get anything it is a bonus. With me so far?? Hope so!
One other aspect of the game you need to be aware of is the concept of a 'no-shot'; if you play a 'scoop' shot (one where you drag the shuttle with your racket rather than a clean hit) the scooper admits it and calls out 'no-shot'; giving the point to the opposing team. It is very subjective what qualifies as a no shot, and can be the cause of much controversy.......and no small amount of said controversy happened during this final match!
My partner in crime (Daksha) and I were number 3's; so in theory the pressure was off. We could leave it to the better pairs to win us the matches we needed.....hopefully....! Our first match was against their number three's (their worst pair) and amazingly we managed to scrape a win. The second match did not go nearly as well, and we got our arses well and truly kicked by their number 2's, only scraping a handful of points. One such point in that handful was won with an extremely questionable scoop by Daksha; and she didn't call it. In her defence, she rarely played competitive badminton and so didn't know about the 'no shot' rule. I guess I could have called it myself, but strictly speaking you shouldn't call someone else's no-shots; and anyway, we were so far behind it made no difference to the result, so I didn't bother.
The man on the other side of the net was incandescent with rage, and not to put too fine a point on it, called me a cheat (not to my face, but just loud enough for one of my team mates to hear). May I state here that I always believe that a victory won through breaking the rules is worthless, I am a fair player in everything I do. I found the accusation extremely offensive, so I politely confronted him about it, and received a volley of abuse in reply. It was roughly around his fifth 'F....' that I realised rational thought was not something he would put on his CV as a transferrable skill; and I gave up trying to talk to the guy. Imagine what he would have been like if he had lost the game? I am not convinced I would be talking (typing) to you right now; I strongly believe I would have met my premature end by virtue of a rare but fatal case of 'deep racket insertion'.
Slightly perturbed I may have been, but my dander had never been so up. I wanted to beat them, and with two matches left to play we were 4-3 in the lead (one to win). The remaining games were our 1's against their 2's, and we were finishing off by playing their best pair. I had no cause for concern as there was no way our best pair could possibly lose; not after winning their first two matches. We both went on court at the same time.
By some miracle we managed to win the first game, but normal services were resumed when we lost the second. Before the decider I noticed that the other match was already over; so I popped back to shake their hands and celebrate our victory, and promotion.....only to be told that they had had a total nightmare and lost their match..........oh dear...........oh deary deary dear with a cherry on top. It was down to us; 4-4 in matches, 1-1 in games, and our final game against their best pair was going to decide.....everything.
....oh good.....no pressure then........!
I distinctly remember an odd silence as we took to the court. You know in sporting films - pretty much all of them - when the last shot is kicked, or the starting pistol goes, and the action is slowed down? It was kinda like that! One thing was for sure; whether for the right or wrong reasons, I knew it was not a game I was ever going to forget. But they called me a cheat, and I wanted to win!!
It did not start well; and at the change of ends (deciding game, so you swap sides when the first pair reaches 8 points) we were 8-3 down and being totally outplayed. We managed to win the serve back straight away, and I remember tapping Daksha on the back and saying 'one point at a time and we'll get back in this'; I'm not sure who I was actually trying to convince.
8-4...........'one point at a time'.......
8-5...........'one point at a time'.......
8-6.........8-7........'keep it going'...............
9-7...........'don't worry, we are back in this'.......
9-8...........'take your time, focus on the next point'........
10-8.........'it's okay.......they still need five points to win, plenty of time'.......
10-9.........'hold it together.......you can do this'......
10-10.......'OHGODOHGODWEARELEVELONPOINTSWHENWEWERESOFARBEHIND'
10-11.......'AAAAAAGHWEAREINTHELEADICANTFEELMYLEGSHOWDIDTHISHAPPEN??!'
.....by the time we got here - despite my anxiousness! - the rest was unexpectedly easy. They were so surprised at our comeback they could barely knock a shuttle over the net, and we ran out 15-10 winners (and no, I didn't cheat!); winners of the game, the match, and promotion. I could still tell you exactly where the final shot of the match landed on the court. I vaguely recall hugging Daksha and swinging her around a bit......aaah the impetuousness of.....middle age!
If the entire match had gone without incident, it would have been a great moment; but coming off the back of being called a cheat made it so much more special. I didn't say a word to my accusor, there was no need; leaving someone like that to stew in his own juice is a better revenge than I could ever exact. In my badmintonning life I am pretty sure I have lost more games than I have won (trying to reverse my primary school record is an impossible task!) but very occasionally a win comes along, and a perfect one at that.
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